The Elf Epidemic

           Maybe you’ve heard of it, maybe you haven’t. But it seems there is an epidemic of elves among us. They appear in early December and stay until they are needed at the North Pole at Christmas, often whether they are invited or not. While they cause no real harm, they have a serious mission: to keep a watchful eye on young children and keep track of their behavior in the days leading up to the big holiday. Word on the street is that they report directly to the Big Guy, and their observations have significant influence on whether a child ends up on the naughty or nice list.

            Each house that participates in this Elf Watch Program is assigned its own elf, although from the reports circulating, most of these elves look exactly the same. Approximately 12 inches tall, usually wearing all red clothes unless otherwise clad by an overly exuberant homeowner, a festive red hat, and a smirky grin on their jolly faces as if if the elf himself was up to something sneaky.

            The elves are usually found sitting casually in a main room of the home, traditionally on a shelf. However, the elves have been known to move during the night so that children do not get used to misbehaving in certain rooms, out of the vision of the stationary elf. (These children often tend toward the naughty list, but that is to determined by S.C. himself.)

            There is, as always, a catch to these vigilant elves. It is well known that if someone touches the elf, the magic disappears and with it, the elf. No child in their right mind would gamble away the chance at a visit from Santa, would they? So the elves are left to make their own choices as to what sort of view they want on the world each day.

            But elves are like snowflakes. Each one is slightly different and each one has a personality all of its own. Some elves have been known to sit in one place the entire holiday season, collecting dust as they collect notes. Others, it seems, have overzealous personalities and find themselves in a variety of precarious places each day. Some dangle from the ceiling fan, some nibble cookies. Some draw on mirrors, some play with toys. Some get caught up in Christmas decorations and some even make snow angels in flour on the kitchen floor! It’s enough to make one wonder if they themselves will end up on the naughty list.

            If your home has such an elf hanging around on a shelf or elsewhere, consider yourself lucky. Not only does the little fellow bring around temporary and positive behavior modification, he also manages to spread Christmas spirit to anyone involved, which is an epidemic that is well worth catching.

Originally written 12.13.15