The I-Hate-Shopping Syndrome

-
 I am, quite possibly, the world’s worst shopper. I know what you’re thinking, “But you’re a woman! Women love shopping! They live for it! Sometimes my wife/mother/sister/aunt will go to the mall and be there for hours and come home with nothing!” Not me. I would rather give myself 4,000 paper cuts with store receipts.
            Most of the year, this lack-of-shopping-desire is easy to live with. I have learned there is a distinct difference between shopping and buying. I do not shop, I buy. If our socks start having too many holes, I don’t waltz carelessly though the stores, perusing the various styles and prices. I make a beeline for the sock department, find the one that’s on sale, and leave. 
            But during the Christmas season, this shopping thing is nearly inevitable and it looms over my head like a dark cloud. While some people delight in the opportunity to find good sales and embrace the commercial aspect of the holiday, I start breaking into a sweat in early December. For each person on my list have to go through a bit of a checklist:
1.     What does this person enjoy?
2.     Does this person need something?
3.     If this person needed it, why wouldn’t they buy it themselves and get the color they want?
4.     What IS this person’s favorite color?
5.     Can I buy this online while shopping in my pajamas?
6.     How can anyone really charge for shipping these days?!?
7.     Is worth avoiding parking lots and check out lines that bring out that nervous twitch in my right eye?
8.     Add to cart.
            I must say that the invention of online shopping has made the shopping half of gift giving easier, but the cumbersome act of returning more than makes up for it. The printing, the packaging, the mailing. Not that standing in the return line in a store on December 26th is all that much better, or that I would know because I would rather spend all day wearing holy socks than doing that.
            And yet, despite all of the hassle and trouble and the unnecessary worry I put myself through, I do it anyway. I always do. Because I so very much enjoy giving gifts to people I care about. It’s almost like I have a second syndrome, love-to-give. During this season, despite my grinchy shopping personality, this love-to-give thing takes over and suddenly I find myself wanting to give presents to everyone I know. Because as much as it is a pain to shop, it’s worth it to give something to someone you care about, or even if you just want to show them thanks for that little bit they do to make your world a better place.
            And so I shop, often begrudgingly, because of love.

            (But not a love of shopping.)

Originally written 11.29.15

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pepe le Pew and Cupid, too

-
            Phenology is the study of seasonal natural phenomena, especially in relation to climate and plant and animal life. Watching the way nature changes with the calendar can be a neat way to track the world and make ridiculous comparisons and conclusions about fragrant animals, diapered babies and bow and arrows, and old cartoons characters with a French accent.             Living in Ohio, we never know what the weather in February will bring. We can assume snow, but even the most astute student of phenology will tell you that weather (not climate) is not what makes most things in nature happen.             So I go to two reliable signs of February: Love and skunks.             I’m sure everyone will agree that February is the month of love, with the whole big candy-filled Valentine’s Day smack dab in the middle of it. But skunks?               If you don’t believe me that February is the month of skunk, think back over the past few weeks… you’ve smelled a skunk, have
Read more

Bedtime

-
            It is a cruel world we live in, when the time for sleep is never the time we want it to be. Ever.             There are, of course, exceptions, but speaking from my own personal experience, I’m not sure I’ve ever really been able to go to sleep exactly when I wanted. I can’t remember a single time (although I also can’t remember what I had for dinner last night) that I’ve had the pleasure of announcing, “I’m tired. I’m going to bed and no one or nothing is going to stop me.”             As tiny infants we know no better and haven’t yet adjusted to any sort of schedule. After living in darkness for all of our lives, we suddenly find ourselves with lights and sun and lovely people who are trying to train us to sleep at times when we really don’t want to, but aren’t sure why.             As toddlers and preschoolers, we start to slowly learn about all of the fun things we are missing when those big, lovely people make us go to bed. We may not understand anything like
Read more

Old mom, new tricks

-
            If you add up the ages of all of my children, I’ve been a mom for almost 38 years, which is almost as long as I’ve been on this Earth. You might think that I have most things figured out. I know I did. But as it turns out, you’re never too old a mom to learn new tricks.             This tip came from the brilliant family of the child who has the locker next to my oldest daughter. Both freshmen in high school, one day my daughter saw him pull a girly lunchbox out of his bookbag. There must have been an exchange of expressions and the explanation followed.             “I forgot my lunchbox at school yesterday so my mom packed my lunch in this princess Lunchbox of Shame. I’m never going to forget it at school again.”             Upon hearing this story, my eyes got wide and I probably stood there, mouth agape, wondering why I hadn’t thought of this long, long ago. While our children are pretty good at remembering to bring their lunch boxes home, they are terrible at r
Read more