dirt don't hurt

Ellen’s Tercy Recpe 2008 (Made by Ellen, first grade) 1 cup of stilt 2 cups of green benes 3 cups of ptatos 5 cups of corn 4 cups of fower 7 cups of apple juse 6 cups of water 8 cups of Pumpkin 10 cups of bnanas 9 cups of peper 11 cups of cinimin 13 cups of spinach 12 cups of asparirgch 14 cups of shuger 16 cups of tmatos 15 cups of butter 17 cups of coffe 18 cups of milk 19 cups of persie chees First you torun on your ovin to 16 dgerese. Thn stuff the turkey with tmatos and stuf the trkey with bnanas. Then wipe the turkey with butter and shuger. Then put the rest of the ingedtis on top. I love turkey. My turkey is 19 feet long. And 19 feet wide. Toby’s Turkey Recipe 2008 (As dictated to mom) INGREDIENTS: 1 big flop of yogurt some cookie dough Apple juice hot dogs wishbone Glob of ice cream 1 bone of turkey Put them all in a big bowl and grind it up. Add the finishing touch: chicken noodle soup. And a 105 pound turkey. TO COOK:Cook it in the fireplace at zero degrees for 146 hours. TO ...

Note: The newspaper requested holiday themed columns from now through the end of the year. Why not put it in a handy, dandy format? This is the first installment... Even though the aisles were decked with the hall-decking decorations long before Halloween, it is now -- with the onset of cold weather, snow, and Thanksgiving -- that we officially welcome the holiday season. And so in honor of this wonderful time of year, I would like to take the opportunity to introduce my readers to things they really already know in a little series I like to call “The Inevitable Holiday.” I personally start feeling the stress of the holidays long before I need to, wondering how we’re going to get it all done, fit it all in, make it all special, and be holly jolly, by golly, all at the same time. My hopes in this next series of columns is to assure people (and mostly myself) that we’re all dealing with the same things this time of year. We’re not alone, and maybe if we realize that and all help out a li...

Ellen, singing: The Earth is our mother, we must take care of her... Toby: Stop singing that. It doesn't make sense. The Earth can't be our mom. How would it give us drinks? Oh yes, it's nice to be loved.

We have had numerous lights on the dashboard, so before the holidays roll around we thought we'd take in my Silver Spaceship to get tuned up. And, a chunk-a-change later, I was happily rolling along on my way to Wally World for a shopping trip. I was organized and I was ready for tackling the super giant and all of its scuzzy patrons. I was not ready for a completely flat tire in the parking lot. So a call to AAA later and a running in and out of the store trying to keep the kids warm, the man showed up to fix the tire right smack dab in the middle of the Walmart parking lot. He told me that the tire THAT WAS BRAND NEW and put on YESTERDAY had a stem issue and I had to take it to the dealer to be repaired. I stuffed my shopping list, my super organized shopping list, into my pocket and loaded up the kids and drove on my little spare for 45 minutes where we sat in the waiting room and played with the Indiana Jones swords that I had to purchase to appease the youngins. Finally it was...

I was having one of my especially apathetic parenting moments and when the children asked me if they could do something (I don’t know what it was, I wasn’t paying attention), I said, “whatever floats your boat. Whatever creams your Twinkie.” I fully realize that the second line of that sentence is not the most commonly used version of that phrase. I actually thought it was something the fellow Girl Scouts of Troop 1166 made up about 20 years ago, but a quick trip to the Internet tells me it’s more than just crazy tent talk. It’s an actual saying. That said, it’s still not frequently used and I’d guess that most people haven’t heard of it. Therefore I wasn’t surprised when my kids gave me that look—the one that says “you know, we actually do listen to you sometimes, and that didn’t make any sense.” It didn’t take me long to realize just what they were confused about: My. Children. Have. Never. Eaten. A. Twinkie. When I figured this out, my mouth hung open and a little drool came out bec...

Check back a few posts and you'll see a little guy pretending to be surviving in the wilderness. This is the child that literally leaves a ring around the bathtub every time, the one who I have pulled leaves out of his ears and his underwear. The one whose feet I've actually had to scrub with pumice to get clean. And today, in his own little world, he gets dressed by himself. He emerges from his room like this, dressed up for school in his button down shirt (all-the-way buttoned and tucked in), too-small pants, dress shoes, and he also slicked his hair down with water. (The pen and paper in his pocket are so that he can look like his Papa, a man with a habitual habit of carrying around a complete office full of paper and pens in his breast pocket.) "Don't you think you'd want to go on a date with me?" he asks. Well, naturally, yes. I would certainly go on a date with him. But now I wonder just what little girl at preschool he's going to hit up for a night ...

She woke up yesterday a crawler. And by the end of the day, she walked! A full transformation, all of which occured before my very eyes as I was folding laundry. How memorable... Watch her grow up too fast and see her walk on youtube here .